was trustin too much my fault?

Friday, August 25, 2006

gosh im pissed
im stressed
n i hate it
i hate evyting now
u noe. i jz wanna
i dunoe
u noe.. u noe.. im missin u again
y shud i.
im havin e tym of my life in sch
evytings gd
bt thn suddenli i miss u
y .. u noe how pissin tt is?
i vagueli rmbr,no i CLEARLY rmbr..
how all i reali looked forward ws u
my weekends were like
"m i goin to meet u.. whr are we goin?
wd tym wil it b? how long cud i b wif u?
lil bit tym oso nvm. juz a while oso can
whr u. how u. this u .. tht u.. YOU"
n thn now. im nth at al.
its like.. its like wtf la.
u cum along.
u do evyting u wanted to.
u wanted to meet. u wanted to make tym fer me
u wanted it. YOU. YOU! YOU.
n thn e same YOU... e same YOU had to tel me
nt to do aniting abt aniting.
wth ish rong wif u. god shd noe.
so after all e hapi happi thingies.
now u are REALI BUSY wif ur werk.
u SERIOUSLI forgot my b dae..(nt cos u didnt wish or wd.. bt cos it made me feel like u were juz purposeli forgetin evyting . aiya i dunoe la.. u juz .. nth )
u canot reply a msg.
ok u were werkin
so after werk or ur free tym YOUR COM DIED ON U
ur internet connection WENT FOR A VACATION
ur LINE GOT CUT COS U DIDNT PAY YOUR BILL
cum on. im sure u gt more excuses ..
so y all this? to avoid me? or isit sth else?
u noe. i can ask soo mani freakin effed up qns.
bt im stil gona get e same freakin vague answers
things tt i wun understan. things like
god has punished me.
GOD HAS PUNISHED U??????
i mean.. did u juz say
GOD HAS PUNISHED U?
wd e eff has tt gt to do wif me>?
i mean like. hello WHRS E EXPLANATION?
u cum here n tel me god has punished u.. n so
im like supposed to "oh .. okok so tts wds happened. ic"
n thn let go.. u noe. it wil b easy to let go,
if i get my qns answered truthfulli
whthr or not e truth ish gona stab thru me.
or wdeva shit
u are freakin hidin sth.
or was it cos i found out e truth?
u noe .. YOU FREAKIN WANNA NOE STH????
i freakin wish tt dae whn i saw u..
i freakin wish tt i had grabbed both ur arms n shoook u well..
wel enuff fer e damn senses of urs to like float bac to earth.
or sth like tt.
i seriousli canot bleev i stood thr like a statued cow in e temple.
wel until e cows cum home oso i dun think anitings gona happen now..
nw i wonder how i let myself into all this
its sickenin u noe.. reali sickenin.
REALI SICKENING!
after evryting .. i stil try to b nice.. i say hello..
i wait patientli fer e sky to drop dwn
i stil do u noe.
julies being nice. wait. im always nice.
u noe.. u freakin noe tt i mean wel.
bt u choose to ignore.avoid.forget.
wadeva shit. n i stil put myself thru it
cos im not like u. i dun hide .
i dun hide myself frm u..
i didnt pretend as if evyting was al ryt
i tol u EXACTLY wd ws happenin.
n EXACTLI how i felt.
i didnt say "god has punished me" shit
cos i was being myself
julie

<3 Friday, August 25, 2006;